The ultimate get rich sheme approved by God himself! Pt 2

Mike: I'm f**king pissed!
Pastor: Why Mike? God will help you through everything

Mike: It's been 10 years and I feel f**king cheated! God never answer my prayers!
Pastor: It's not true, God was always with you.

Mike: I've had enough of all this crap, God never deposit 10k into my account ever!
Pastor: No Mike, he did.

Mike: John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive". But he NEVER answer my prayres!
Pastor: He did my son, hv you forgotten Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

Mike: WTF?
Pastor: Yes, the keyword is 'believe'. Just believe you hv received it.

Mike: This is f**king nonsense.
Pastor: That's how things work in Christianity.

Mike: It took me 10 years to realise I'm cheated. Some fanatic christians like you will never wake up!
Pastor: That's not true Mike.

Mike: I demand to see Jesus noW!
Pastor: Haha...Jesus can't do that.

Mike: Why not? I demand to see him right now to settle everything. I want my money back!
Pastor: Calm down Mike.

Mike: If Jesus exsists, why can't he appear to me now?
Pastor: He's so busy doing things God needs him to do. He can't appear to us.

Mike: Then how was Jesus able to appear to Paul? How was Jesus able to appear to the 500 brethren? Why was it OK for them to KNOW that Jesus exists?
Pastor: That was different. Jesus was only dead a couple of days.

Mike: Why does that matter to a timeless, omnipotent being like Jesus?
Pastor: You are so wrong.

Mike: Why doesn't Jesus appear now to save the Muslims?
Pastor: You are so delusional.

Mike: Here's another way to look at it. Why don't we take a vote? We take all six billion people on the planet and we ask them to vote on whether Jesus is God or not. Only two billion people on the planet are Christian, so the other four billion are going to vote against Jesus. For every Christian, there are two non-Christians who think you are delusional.
Pastor: They are all wrong! If only they knew the Lord Jesus like I do!

Mike: So you are telling me all the Muslims are wrong? They believe that Jesus was a man, not God. It says so right in the Koran.
Pastor: The muslims are delusional.

Mike: One billion Muslims think Christians are delusional. Two billion Christians think muslims are delusional. Would you consider, at least for a moment, the possibility that all three billion of you are delusional?
Pastor: I am not delusional! Jesus Christ is our resurrected Lord! I talk to him every single day and he talks to me! And he answers my prayers!

Mike: Ok, then give me evidence that Jesus exsist. Let's pray and ask Jesus to do anything for us now. Why don't we ask him to deposit 10k into my bank account now?
Pastor: You are so wrong.

Mike: Why not? John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive". Luke 1:37: "For with God nothing will be impossible." Nothing is impossible through prayer. Why won't he respond to us if we pray to him right now?
Pastor: That's not how prayers work?

Mike: Then give me anything. Give me anything to prove Jesus exsists.
Pastor: It's written in the bible.

Mike: Why do you believe so firmly in a book written 2000 years ago? Can you 100% guarantee that it is accurate? Can you pls be rational for one moment?
Pastor: The bible was written by God himself, so it is without flaw.

Mike: So why not God update the bible and give us a new version? Since people like me are doubting the bible.
Pastor: You are so wrong.

Mike: Why don't you take a moment to consider that John, Matthew and friends wrote the bible out of boredom. And you people embraced it like it's from God himself.
Pastor: That's so wrong Mike.

Mike: Why does Christians rent a shophouse and call it a church?
Pastor: Any place where 2 or more christians gather can be called a church.

Mike: But catholics don't just rent any shophouse and convert it into a church. You know they hv 'proper' churches.
Pastor: Well, you see...

Mike: *interrupts* wait a minute, God is speaking to me now!
Pastor: Huh?

Mike: God tells me to turn my low cost cheap apartment into a church.
Pastor: What?

Mike: God tells me to place a cross at the front door, get christians to come to my cheap apartment, and turn it into a church!
Pastor: Are you serious?

Mike: God tells me that I don't need to work anymore. All I need is to get christians to come to my church and pay me 10% of their income every month.
Pastor: Hm...

Mike: Say if I get 20 christians to come and pay me 200bucks each, I'll earn 4000 every month.
Pastor: Err...

Mike: I'd make a fortune if I add up the offerings on Sunday mornings! When business gets better, I can rent a bigger place and get more christians to come!
Pastor: No no...it's not like that.

Mike: All I need to do is tell them the same of crap God stories every Sunday morning. Wow, this is better than any get rich scheme in the world!
Pastor: Please don't do it, what about my customers? I'll give you 50% share in my church. Don't open a new church!

Mike: To hell with your church. I'm starting my own church business. YEAH!

The ultimate get rich sheme approved by God himself! Pt 1

After going from house to house recruiting members for one month, finally...

CS(Christian Scout): Join Christianity today for unlimited rewards.
Mike: Hm...what kind of rewards are you talking about?

CS: Place your trust in Jesus and you will have eternal life. Imagine the beautiful life you will hv in heaven
Mike: Hm...I'd rather focus on my life now...

CS: No no...heaven is a place where all your wishes will come true. Imagine having lots of blonde babes and sex slaves!
Mike: *wink* Do explain more pls...

CS: Let's not talk about afterlife, even now God will answer all your prayers if you become a member today!
Mike: Answer my prayers?

CS: Yes, yes...God will answer all your prayers!
Mike: What's the catch?

CS: Well, nothing in life comes for free right? All God ask for is 10% of your gross income every month.
Mike: What? I'm making 5k so I'm supposed to pay 500bucks?

CS: Yup...if you want God to pay a little more attention to you, you are advised to give generously on every Sunday morning as well.
Mike: What? Are you sure God will answer prayers?

CS: It's written in the bible. John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive"
Mike: But it's not fair!

CS: Huh?
Mike: What about those who earn 1k a month? They only need to pay 100bucks!

CS: Haha...don't worry. God is fair. I'm sure he'll notice that.
Mike: Does that mean my prayers will be on top on his list?

CS: Should be...cos God is fair.
Mike: But I'm too lazy to wake up on Sundays and my family are devout members of some religion. My family will be furious if I join you.

CS: Wait Mike! *whisper* I guarantee you won't regret this...
Mike: Huh?

CS: Look Mike, say you give 500 bucks a month and 100bucks every week. So you'll end up paying 900bucks for membership fees right?
Mike: Yea...what's the point?

CS: This is when God comes to the picture...
Mike: Huh?

CS: You pray to Him and ask him to deposit 10,000k into your bank account.
Mike: Muahahaha! You're brilliant!

CS: "Ask and you shall receive". That's how it works!
Mike: I'm in...this is better than any get rich sheme out there, hehe.

Hail the Almighty God!

Who are you gonna turn to when your wife cheats on you?
Jesus!

Who are you gonna turn to when your company fires you?
The Almighty God!

Who are you gonna turn to when your family disown you?
The all-powerful God!

Yes...come to me my sons. Me is the Almighty God who created pigs, cows, mosquitoes, cockroaches and even Muslims. In short, me created eveything in the world. Me buried thousands of tons of gold on earth. Me placed billions of gallons of oil in the Middle East. Me created millions of carats of diamonds in South Africa.

Me placed so many riches in the world for you. If you need anything more, hot chicks, dumb blondes, busty babes, "Ask and you shall receive". Me will answer your prayers. Me said it many times in the bible, but me like the way me say it in Mark 11:24 the best: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." You name it, me have it for you.

Me can give you so many many good things. All me ask in return is 10% of your gross income every month. Think of it as a starting point. You can feel free to give more and please give generously when they pass around the offering plate on Sundays. Me can answer any prayers but me can't give a cent to churches and me don't know why. All me know is me need your money, lots of your money.

So, please visit your local church today and give generously. Me thank all of you for your support!

Amen