Mike: I'm f**king pissed!
Pastor: Why Mike? God will help you through everything
Mike: It's been 10 years and I feel f**king cheated! God never answer my prayers!
Pastor: It's not true, God was always with you.
Mike: I've had enough of all this crap, God never deposit 10k into my account ever!
Pastor: No Mike, he did.
Mike: John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive". But he NEVER answer my prayres!
Pastor: He did my son, hv you forgotten Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Mike: WTF?
Pastor: Yes, the keyword is 'believe'. Just believe you hv received it.
Mike: This is f**king nonsense.
Pastor: That's how things work in Christianity.
Mike: It took me 10 years to realise I'm cheated. Some fanatic christians like you will never wake up!
Pastor: That's not true Mike.
Mike: I demand to see Jesus noW!
Pastor: Haha...Jesus can't do that.
Mike: Why not? I demand to see him right now to settle everything. I want my money back!
Pastor: Calm down Mike.
Mike: If Jesus exsists, why can't he appear to me now?
Pastor: He's so busy doing things God needs him to do. He can't appear to us.
Mike: Then how was Jesus able to appear to Paul? How was Jesus able to appear to the 500 brethren? Why was it OK for them to KNOW that Jesus exists?
Pastor: That was different. Jesus was only dead a couple of days.
Mike: Why does that matter to a timeless, omnipotent being like Jesus?
Pastor: You are so wrong.
Mike: Why doesn't Jesus appear now to save the Muslims?
Pastor: You are so delusional.
Mike: Here's another way to look at it. Why don't we take a vote? We take all six billion people on the planet and we ask them to vote on whether Jesus is God or not. Only two billion people on the planet are Christian, so the other four billion are going to vote against Jesus. For every Christian, there are two non-Christians who think you are delusional.
Pastor: They are all wrong! If only they knew the Lord Jesus like I do!
Mike: So you are telling me all the Muslims are wrong? They believe that Jesus was a man, not God. It says so right in the Koran.
Pastor: The muslims are delusional.
Mike: One billion Muslims think Christians are delusional. Two billion Christians think muslims are delusional. Would you consider, at least for a moment, the possibility that all three billion of you are delusional?
Pastor: I am not delusional! Jesus Christ is our resurrected Lord! I talk to him every single day and he talks to me! And he answers my prayers!
Mike: Ok, then give me evidence that Jesus exsist. Let's pray and ask Jesus to do anything for us now. Why don't we ask him to deposit 10k into my bank account now?
Pastor: You are so wrong.
Mike: Why not? John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive". Luke 1:37: "For with God nothing will be impossible." Nothing is impossible through prayer. Why won't he respond to us if we pray to him right now?
Pastor: That's not how prayers work?
Mike: Then give me anything. Give me anything to prove Jesus exsists.
Pastor: It's written in the bible.
Mike: Why do you believe so firmly in a book written 2000 years ago? Can you 100% guarantee that it is accurate? Can you pls be rational for one moment?
Pastor: The bible was written by God himself, so it is without flaw.
Mike: So why not God update the bible and give us a new version? Since people like me are doubting the bible.
Pastor: You are so wrong.
Mike: Why don't you take a moment to consider that John, Matthew and friends wrote the bible out of boredom. And you people embraced it like it's from God himself.
Pastor: That's so wrong Mike.
Mike: Why does Christians rent a shophouse and call it a church?
Pastor: Any place where 2 or more christians gather can be called a church.
Mike: But catholics don't just rent any shophouse and convert it into a church. You know they hv 'proper' churches.
Pastor: Well, you see...
Mike: *interrupts* wait a minute, God is speaking to me now!
Pastor: Huh?
Mike: God tells me to turn my low cost cheap apartment into a church.
Pastor: What?
Mike: God tells me to place a cross at the front door, get christians to come to my cheap apartment, and turn it into a church!
Pastor: Are you serious?
Mike: God tells me that I don't need to work anymore. All I need is to get christians to come to my church and pay me 10% of their income every month.
Pastor: Hm...
Mike: Say if I get 20 christians to come and pay me 200bucks each, I'll earn 4000 every month.
Pastor: Err...
Mike: I'd make a fortune if I add up the offerings on Sunday mornings! When business gets better, I can rent a bigger place and get more christians to come!
Pastor: No no...it's not like that.
Mike: All I need to do is tell them the same of crap God stories every Sunday morning. Wow, this is better than any get rich scheme in the world!
Pastor: Please don't do it, what about my customers? I'll give you 50% share in my church. Don't open a new church!
Mike: To hell with your church. I'm starting my own church business. YEAH!
Saturday, 17 February 2007
Friday, 16 February 2007
The ultimate get rich sheme approved by God himself! Pt 1
After going from house to house recruiting members for one month, finally...
CS(Christian Scout): Join Christianity today for unlimited rewards.
Mike: Hm...what kind of rewards are you talking about?
CS: Place your trust in Jesus and you will have eternal life. Imagine the beautiful life you will hv in heaven
Mike: Hm...I'd rather focus on my life now...
CS: No no...heaven is a place where all your wishes will come true. Imagine having lots of blonde babes and sex slaves!
Mike: *wink* Do explain more pls...
CS: Let's not talk about afterlife, even now God will answer all your prayers if you become a member today!
Mike: Answer my prayers?
CS: Yes, yes...God will answer all your prayers!
Mike: What's the catch?
CS: Well, nothing in life comes for free right? All God ask for is 10% of your gross income every month.
Mike: What? I'm making 5k so I'm supposed to pay 500bucks?
CS: Yup...if you want God to pay a little more attention to you, you are advised to give generously on every Sunday morning as well.
Mike: What? Are you sure God will answer prayers?
CS: It's written in the bible. John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive"
Mike: But it's not fair!
CS: Huh?
Mike: What about those who earn 1k a month? They only need to pay 100bucks!
CS: Haha...don't worry. God is fair. I'm sure he'll notice that.
Mike: Does that mean my prayers will be on top on his list?
CS: Should be...cos God is fair.
Mike: But I'm too lazy to wake up on Sundays and my family are devout members of some religion. My family will be furious if I join you.
CS: Wait Mike! *whisper* I guarantee you won't regret this...
Mike: Huh?
CS: Look Mike, say you give 500 bucks a month and 100bucks every week. So you'll end up paying 900bucks for membership fees right?
Mike: Yea...what's the point?
CS: This is when God comes to the picture...
Mike: Huh?
CS: You pray to Him and ask him to deposit 10,000k into your bank account.
Mike: Muahahaha! You're brilliant!
CS: "Ask and you shall receive". That's how it works!
Mike: I'm in...this is better than any get rich sheme out there, hehe.
CS(Christian Scout): Join Christianity today for unlimited rewards.
Mike: Hm...what kind of rewards are you talking about?
CS: Place your trust in Jesus and you will have eternal life. Imagine the beautiful life you will hv in heaven
Mike: Hm...I'd rather focus on my life now...
CS: No no...heaven is a place where all your wishes will come true. Imagine having lots of blonde babes and sex slaves!
Mike: *wink* Do explain more pls...
CS: Let's not talk about afterlife, even now God will answer all your prayers if you become a member today!
Mike: Answer my prayers?
CS: Yes, yes...God will answer all your prayers!
Mike: What's the catch?
CS: Well, nothing in life comes for free right? All God ask for is 10% of your gross income every month.
Mike: What? I'm making 5k so I'm supposed to pay 500bucks?
CS: Yup...if you want God to pay a little more attention to you, you are advised to give generously on every Sunday morning as well.
Mike: What? Are you sure God will answer prayers?
CS: It's written in the bible. John 16:24 "Ask and you shall receive"
Mike: But it's not fair!
CS: Huh?
Mike: What about those who earn 1k a month? They only need to pay 100bucks!
CS: Haha...don't worry. God is fair. I'm sure he'll notice that.
Mike: Does that mean my prayers will be on top on his list?
CS: Should be...cos God is fair.
Mike: But I'm too lazy to wake up on Sundays and my family are devout members of some religion. My family will be furious if I join you.
CS: Wait Mike! *whisper* I guarantee you won't regret this...
Mike: Huh?
CS: Look Mike, say you give 500 bucks a month and 100bucks every week. So you'll end up paying 900bucks for membership fees right?
Mike: Yea...what's the point?
CS: This is when God comes to the picture...
Mike: Huh?
CS: You pray to Him and ask him to deposit 10,000k into your bank account.
Mike: Muahahaha! You're brilliant!
CS: "Ask and you shall receive". That's how it works!
Mike: I'm in...this is better than any get rich sheme out there, hehe.
Tuesday, 6 February 2007
Hail the Almighty God!
Who are you gonna turn to when your wife cheats on you?
Jesus!
Who are you gonna turn to when your company fires you?
The Almighty God!
Who are you gonna turn to when your family disown you?
The all-powerful God!
Yes...come to me my sons. Me is the Almighty God who created pigs, cows, mosquitoes, cockroaches and even Muslims. In short, me created eveything in the world. Me buried thousands of tons of gold on earth. Me placed billions of gallons of oil in the Middle East. Me created millions of carats of diamonds in South Africa.
Me placed so many riches in the world for you. If you need anything more, hot chicks, dumb blondes, busty babes, "Ask and you shall receive". Me will answer your prayers. Me said it many times in the bible, but me like the way me say it in Mark 11:24 the best: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." You name it, me have it for you.
Me can give you so many many good things. All me ask in return is 10% of your gross income every month. Think of it as a starting point. You can feel free to give more and please give generously when they pass around the offering plate on Sundays. Me can answer any prayers but me can't give a cent to churches and me don't know why. All me know is me need your money, lots of your money.
So, please visit your local church today and give generously. Me thank all of you for your support!
Amen
Jesus!
Who are you gonna turn to when your company fires you?
The Almighty God!
Who are you gonna turn to when your family disown you?
The all-powerful God!
Yes...come to me my sons. Me is the Almighty God who created pigs, cows, mosquitoes, cockroaches and even Muslims. In short, me created eveything in the world. Me buried thousands of tons of gold on earth. Me placed billions of gallons of oil in the Middle East. Me created millions of carats of diamonds in South Africa.
Me placed so many riches in the world for you. If you need anything more, hot chicks, dumb blondes, busty babes, "Ask and you shall receive". Me will answer your prayers. Me said it many times in the bible, but me like the way me say it in Mark 11:24 the best: "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." You name it, me have it for you.
Me can give you so many many good things. All me ask in return is 10% of your gross income every month. Think of it as a starting point. You can feel free to give more and please give generously when they pass around the offering plate on Sundays. Me can answer any prayers but me can't give a cent to churches and me don't know why. All me know is me need your money, lots of your money.
So, please visit your local church today and give generously. Me thank all of you for your support!
Amen
Monday, 27 November 2006
Understanding the Religion of Peace
***Court***
Girl: *sob* I want justice!
Judge: Insya alladulilah bla bla bla. God is great! Justice n I will punish those responsible! R these 3 the ones who gangraped u?
Girl: *sob* yes…
Kattan, Lattan, Mattan: No! We didn't! That’s a filthy lie! *omg I can't forgot those wonderful rape moments*
Judge: Girl, what were u wearing on that day the rape incident happened?
Girl: Female casual wear, long sleave and pants.
Judge: Did u wear a veil?
Girl: I'm no muslim, so I...
Judge: A HA! Girl, next time pls don't dress too sexy infront of public. The Quran said, if a meat is unwraped and a dog ate it, it's the meat's fault for not wraping itself.
Girl: But I'm not a muslim! and I was raped! pls judge, be fair!
Judge: Well, let me think... OK. Kattan, Lattan, Mattan, U r pleaded not guilty. I'm afraid girl, u will hv to present at least 4 witnesses for Allah to believe you.
Girl: WTF? 4 witnesses? I was raped! i wasn’t shooting for a porn movie!
Judge: But that’s our law. allamuakbar! U need 4 witnesses to raise a case.
Girl: But I was raped! Nobody would ever rape someone infront of 4 ppl!
Judge: Ar ar ar, u'r wrong. Years ago there was a holocaust happened in Indonesia, where those ppl there gangraped girls infront of public, while screaming allhamdulilah. So too bad for u.
Girl: *Sob*
Kattan, Lattan, Mattan:: Ah, finally, we'r free.
Kattan: Yea, so guys. What do u wanna do today? Bomb, rape, riot or loot?
**** Fact 1 *****************************************************
In Freedom House’s 2006 Global Survey, of the 8 countries with the worst human rights records.
Five are Muslims -- Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Libya, Syria and Sudan.
The other three are Communist dictatorships -- Cuba, North Korea and Burma.
Which would you rather be?
A Muslim living in Tel Aviv or a Jew living in Tehran?
A Coptic Christian in Egypt or an Egyptian Muslim in Rome?
An Orthodox Serb in Muslim Kosovo or a Turk in Germany?
***************************************************************
***On a plane, waiting for takeoff***
UBM: Did u read today’s paper? Yet another terrorist incident. A plane was hijacked.
rejnik: Really? Must b some crazy Muslim again.
UBM: It’s not reported who did it yet but yeah, it’s probably some crazy Muslim like u said.
rejnik: Hey, the guy seating there, he looks middle eastern.
UBM: Hell yea omg. Securities! stewardess! I wanna get off this plane NOW!
rejnik: Omfg, I’m not flying with that man onboard! Remove him, body check him…
Kattan: NO NO, I’m a muslim and I’m ur fren. We r friendly ppl!
rejnik: No way! We don’t believe u! U r no fren of ours, u r a terrorist!
Kattan: Believe me, not all muslims r terrorists…
rejnik: Hmm, u’v got a point. We’ll believe u then. Let’s fly now captain.
Kattan: Thanks guys. I’m gonna show u ppl a magic trick as a token of friendship.
UBM, rejnik: Cool…
Kattan: I’m gonna do this trick once, only once…so watch carefully
UBM, rejnik: yea yea…
Kattan: *pushes a button on a remote conrtol*
***kaboom!!! Plane explodes***
Kattan: *Believe me, not all muslims r terrorists, but most terrorists r muslims. But for now, ALL terrorists r muslims*
****Fact 2****************************************************
A passenger revolt occurred on a Malaga-Manchester flight. Vacationing Brits refused to fly with two Arabic-speaking men. This came in the wake of arrests of 21 British-born Muslims who were plotting to blow up as many as 11 trans-Atlantic flights.
A spokesman for Britain’s opposition Tory party said the passengers panicked into “behaving irrationally.” Fancy that, not wanting to fly with members of a faith whose adherents keep trying to blow things up. Oh, how irrational!
Within days of this incident, a Lebanese student was arrested for trying to plant bombs on German trains. In India, meanwhile, a group with alleged ties to al-Qaeda threatened to blow up the 17th century Taj Mahal.
If Muslims make travellers nervous, it’s not without cause.
Would you be more likely to have an anxiety attack at 20,000 feet if the passenger seated next to you was:
A) An Irish nun saying the Rosary?
B) A Mormon missionary in regulation white shirt and narrow, black tie?
C) A Hari Krishna in a standard-issue saffron robe?
D) A bearded bloke of Middle Eastern complexion holding a Koran?
**************************************************************
***Somewhere in middle east***
Ahmat: Daddy, y can't I eat pork?
Mattan: Because we r Muslims.
Ahmat: y r we Muslims?
Mattan: Cos islam is a religion of peace. Those who believe in islam will go to paradise one day.
Ahmat: But y ppl around the world hate us? Since we r a religion of peace aren't we
Mattan: *Interrupts* COS they…err…err… It’s bedtime! Go to ur room now!
Ahmat: can I convert to other religion? So that I don't have to pray 5 times aday and still being hated. Plus, other religion hv famous ppl in it.
Mattan: *Shock* Nonsense! Wat famous ppl do they hv?
Ahmat: Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King,. They r kind n noble ppl.
Mattan: Crap! Islam specializes in mass production of famous ppl like Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden n Mullah Omar!
Ahmat: Yea yea ok, I’m proud to be a muslim then.
Mattan: Good boy. Continue to be a good boy and I’ll teach u how to make bombs one day.
Ahmat: Daddy, I know we r poor, but can we afford to go on a vacation?
Mattan: Ok, where do u wanna go?
Ahmat: Israel!
Mattan: Nope, there’s a war there. The Jews r in a war.
Ahmat: hmm…Kashmir?
Mattan: No! Hindus r having a war there.
Ahmat: Omg…can we go to Indonesia?
Mattan: Not safe, Christians at war.
Ahmat: Southern Thailand?
Mattan: Cannot, Buddhists at war.
Ahmat: Allamuakbar. Everywhere war. Why r they fighting?
Mattan: They r at wars against muslims.
Ahmat: But u said islam is a religion of peace. Y can’t we behave peaceably with other religions?
Mattan: Boy! DIDN't I SAID GO TO BED ALREADY! NOW! alhamdulilah.
****Fact 3****************************************************
Wherever there’s religious bloodshed anywhere in the world, it’s invariably Muslims versus someone else. Could this be a coincidence?
Israel, Gaza and Lebanon -- Muslims vs Jews.
Kashmir -- Muslims vs Hindus.
Kosovo/Bosnia -- Muslims vs Serbian Orthodox.
Nigeria, Sudan -- Muslims vs Christians.
Indonesia -- Muslims vs Christians.
Myanmar -- Muslims vs Buddhists.
Northern Caucuses -- Muslims vs Russia Orthodox, and so on.
Why can’t the religion of peace behave peaceably with other religions?
Answer: Islam remains what it was at its beginning 1,300 years ago -- a violent, expansionist faith that will tolerate no competitors. What other religion has the concept of jihad (holy war) -- the notion that if you die fighting for Allah you get 72 virgins (wow, that must b very exhausting! ) in Paradise? Muhammed started by eliminating the competition -- annihilating Jewish tribes in the Arabian Peninsula. More than a millennium latter, it’s still business as usual for his successors.
**************************************************************
***My marraige***
PetPet: Wassup wattan? U look depressed. A man with 4 wives like u sud b the happiest in the world.
Wattan: Hv u seen their faces b4? Do you like big moles?
PetPet: Err... All i can c is their eyes. They r covered from top to toe like some kind of jedi lol.
Wattan: Excatly! I only saw the eyes while we were dating. Then after the marriage, I saw their actual faces. By that time, it was way too late, dang!
PetPet: Dont worry, U hv one more chance. *no wonder muslims can hv 5 wives*
Wattan: It's like a lottery u see. I need to get it right this time!
PetPet: I'm sure Allah will bless u. But i dont understand, y was Muhammad allowed 12 wives? n u only get to hv 5?
Wattan: I guess he's the founder of Islam so he gets extra privileges. *omfg! y do i only get to hv 5 wives when Muhammad can hv 12? Unfair!*
PetPet: Ya, Muhammad and the malays nowadays do have many things in common.
Wattan: Anyway, i hv figured a masterplan on how to finally get a hot wife *sinister smile*
PetPet: How? U gonna rape her first?
Wattan: Nonsense! How dare u! *brilliant idea I must admit*
PetPet: Sorry but that was my first impression of u. Well whats your plan?
Wattan: I'm gonna choose a teenage girl age between 6 n 14. They havent fully cover up their faces yet so i get to pick the best one!
PetPet: Omg, wouldnt that make u a pedophile?
Wattan: Nonsense! I'm only following the examples of Mohammad, our great leader! alhamdulilah bisbilairamanirahim!
PetPet: Great, now u can be a happy man again!
wattan: Not yet, i'm still not satisfied. No big deal having 5 wives. I want another 72 virgins!
PetPet: Huh? How is that possible?
Wattan: Yea... I'm gonna hijack a plane n crash it against WTC. Then i can go to paradise with 72 virgins! yee-ha...
PetPet: Wow...r u for real?
Wattan: Yea... Allah is giving virgins away like free food samples in supermarkets if u r willing to perform jihad.
PetPet: Won't he run out of virgins to give? Do the women get 72 hunks in paradise too?
Wattan: Nonsense, woman can only hv one man. Btw, wat religion r u? u dont look like muslim to me...
PetPet: err...err...
Wattan: omfg, u're a jew?
PetPet: No No NO!
Wattan: alright u christian, i'm gonna...
PetPet: i'm no christian!
Wattan: silence! watever u r...i'll hv to kill u if u dont convert!
PetPet: okok...i'll convert, just dont...
Wattan: too late! ALLAMUAKBAR! ALLMUAKBAR! HUYA! HOHOHO! I'M CRAZY! ALLAMUAKBAR! *stabs PetPet n beheades him*
****Fact 4****************************************************
The Muslims do not want us to say anything bad about Mohammed, but they are in total denial of his evil qualities. What person would voluntarily follow a man who told them they could have only five wives, when he had about fifteen himself.
He also talked a relative into giving him his beautiful wife by telling him it was the will of God. Who would follow such a man? I think it was extortion. Mohammed would probably have killed the relative if he had not agreed, and the man knew it. Mohammed also married a child bride.
He did all that and there is evidence he did. The Muslims who know their history do not deny it. Try reading the Koran. If you are a woman, you will go "Why would I ever want to go to a Muslim heaven? It would be hell for me." No woman in her right mind would join such a religion on her own.
**************************************************************
For Muslims, Violence and Threats of Violence Are Always the First Resort to Any Perceived Insult or Injury
Recall the Muslim response to Danish cartoons of their beloved prophet. The Danish embassy in Beirut was burned to the ground. There were death threats against the cartoonists and the editors of papers that published the cartoons. (In London, protestors held signs proclaiming “Those who insult Islam should die” and “Europe is a disease. Islam is the cure.”)
In rioting in Nigeria, Libya, Pakistan and Afghanistan, 139 died. Protestors were particularly offended by the implication of the cartoons – that Muhammed and his religion encourage murder and mayhem. The irony of “You say Islam promotes violence? For that you should die!” was lost on demonstrators.
Sources:
Consensual crime
Freedomhouse
Passengers refused to fly
Train bomb suspect
Islam and Judaism
Save Kosovo
Muslim hackers attack Vatican
Southern Baptists Spew Hate
Girl: *sob* I want justice!
Judge: Insya alladulilah bla bla bla. God is great! Justice n I will punish those responsible! R these 3 the ones who gangraped u?
Girl: *sob* yes…
Kattan, Lattan, Mattan: No! We didn't! That’s a filthy lie! *omg I can't forgot those wonderful rape moments*
Judge: Girl, what were u wearing on that day the rape incident happened?
Girl: Female casual wear, long sleave and pants.
Judge: Did u wear a veil?
Girl: I'm no muslim, so I...
Judge: A HA! Girl, next time pls don't dress too sexy infront of public. The Quran said, if a meat is unwraped and a dog ate it, it's the meat's fault for not wraping itself.
Girl: But I'm not a muslim! and I was raped! pls judge, be fair!
Judge: Well, let me think... OK. Kattan, Lattan, Mattan, U r pleaded not guilty. I'm afraid girl, u will hv to present at least 4 witnesses for Allah to believe you.
Girl: WTF? 4 witnesses? I was raped! i wasn’t shooting for a porn movie!
Judge: But that’s our law. allamuakbar! U need 4 witnesses to raise a case.
Girl: But I was raped! Nobody would ever rape someone infront of 4 ppl!
Judge: Ar ar ar, u'r wrong. Years ago there was a holocaust happened in Indonesia, where those ppl there gangraped girls infront of public, while screaming allhamdulilah. So too bad for u.
Girl: *Sob*
Kattan, Lattan, Mattan:: Ah, finally, we'r free.
Kattan: Yea, so guys. What do u wanna do today? Bomb, rape, riot or loot?
**** Fact 1 *****************************************************
In Freedom House’s 2006 Global Survey, of the 8 countries with the worst human rights records.
Five are Muslims -- Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Libya, Syria and Sudan.
The other three are Communist dictatorships -- Cuba, North Korea and Burma.
Which would you rather be?
A Muslim living in Tel Aviv or a Jew living in Tehran?
A Coptic Christian in Egypt or an Egyptian Muslim in Rome?
An Orthodox Serb in Muslim Kosovo or a Turk in Germany?
***************************************************************
***On a plane, waiting for takeoff***
UBM: Did u read today’s paper? Yet another terrorist incident. A plane was hijacked.
rejnik: Really? Must b some crazy Muslim again.
UBM: It’s not reported who did it yet but yeah, it’s probably some crazy Muslim like u said.
rejnik: Hey, the guy seating there, he looks middle eastern.
UBM: Hell yea omg. Securities! stewardess! I wanna get off this plane NOW!
rejnik: Omfg, I’m not flying with that man onboard! Remove him, body check him…
Kattan: NO NO, I’m a muslim and I’m ur fren. We r friendly ppl!
rejnik: No way! We don’t believe u! U r no fren of ours, u r a terrorist!
Kattan: Believe me, not all muslims r terrorists…
rejnik: Hmm, u’v got a point. We’ll believe u then. Let’s fly now captain.
Kattan: Thanks guys. I’m gonna show u ppl a magic trick as a token of friendship.
UBM, rejnik: Cool…
Kattan: I’m gonna do this trick once, only once…so watch carefully
UBM, rejnik: yea yea…
Kattan: *pushes a button on a remote conrtol*
***kaboom!!! Plane explodes***
Kattan: *Believe me, not all muslims r terrorists, but most terrorists r muslims. But for now, ALL terrorists r muslims*
****Fact 2****************************************************
A passenger revolt occurred on a Malaga-Manchester flight. Vacationing Brits refused to fly with two Arabic-speaking men. This came in the wake of arrests of 21 British-born Muslims who were plotting to blow up as many as 11 trans-Atlantic flights.
A spokesman for Britain’s opposition Tory party said the passengers panicked into “behaving irrationally.” Fancy that, not wanting to fly with members of a faith whose adherents keep trying to blow things up. Oh, how irrational!
Within days of this incident, a Lebanese student was arrested for trying to plant bombs on German trains. In India, meanwhile, a group with alleged ties to al-Qaeda threatened to blow up the 17th century Taj Mahal.
If Muslims make travellers nervous, it’s not without cause.
Would you be more likely to have an anxiety attack at 20,000 feet if the passenger seated next to you was:
A) An Irish nun saying the Rosary?
B) A Mormon missionary in regulation white shirt and narrow, black tie?
C) A Hari Krishna in a standard-issue saffron robe?
D) A bearded bloke of Middle Eastern complexion holding a Koran?
**************************************************************
***Somewhere in middle east***
Ahmat: Daddy, y can't I eat pork?
Mattan: Because we r Muslims.
Ahmat: y r we Muslims?
Mattan: Cos islam is a religion of peace. Those who believe in islam will go to paradise one day.
Ahmat: But y ppl around the world hate us? Since we r a religion of peace aren't we
Mattan: *Interrupts* COS they…err…err… It’s bedtime! Go to ur room now!
Ahmat: can I convert to other religion? So that I don't have to pray 5 times aday and still being hated. Plus, other religion hv famous ppl in it.
Mattan: *Shock* Nonsense! Wat famous ppl do they hv?
Ahmat: Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King,. They r kind n noble ppl.
Mattan: Crap! Islam specializes in mass production of famous ppl like Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden n Mullah Omar!
Ahmat: Yea yea ok, I’m proud to be a muslim then.
Mattan: Good boy. Continue to be a good boy and I’ll teach u how to make bombs one day.
Ahmat: Daddy, I know we r poor, but can we afford to go on a vacation?
Mattan: Ok, where do u wanna go?
Ahmat: Israel!
Mattan: Nope, there’s a war there. The Jews r in a war.
Ahmat: hmm…Kashmir?
Mattan: No! Hindus r having a war there.
Ahmat: Omg…can we go to Indonesia?
Mattan: Not safe, Christians at war.
Ahmat: Southern Thailand?
Mattan: Cannot, Buddhists at war.
Ahmat: Allamuakbar. Everywhere war. Why r they fighting?
Mattan: They r at wars against muslims.
Ahmat: But u said islam is a religion of peace. Y can’t we behave peaceably with other religions?
Mattan: Boy! DIDN't I SAID GO TO BED ALREADY! NOW! alhamdulilah.
****Fact 3****************************************************
Wherever there’s religious bloodshed anywhere in the world, it’s invariably Muslims versus someone else. Could this be a coincidence?
Israel, Gaza and Lebanon -- Muslims vs Jews.
Kashmir -- Muslims vs Hindus.
Kosovo/Bosnia -- Muslims vs Serbian Orthodox.
Nigeria, Sudan -- Muslims vs Christians.
Indonesia -- Muslims vs Christians.
Myanmar -- Muslims vs Buddhists.
Northern Caucuses -- Muslims vs Russia Orthodox, and so on.
Why can’t the religion of peace behave peaceably with other religions?
Answer: Islam remains what it was at its beginning 1,300 years ago -- a violent, expansionist faith that will tolerate no competitors. What other religion has the concept of jihad (holy war) -- the notion that if you die fighting for Allah you get 72 virgins (wow, that must b very exhausting! ) in Paradise? Muhammed started by eliminating the competition -- annihilating Jewish tribes in the Arabian Peninsula. More than a millennium latter, it’s still business as usual for his successors.
**************************************************************
***My marraige***
PetPet: Wassup wattan? U look depressed. A man with 4 wives like u sud b the happiest in the world.
Wattan: Hv u seen their faces b4? Do you like big moles?
PetPet: Err... All i can c is their eyes. They r covered from top to toe like some kind of jedi lol.
Wattan: Excatly! I only saw the eyes while we were dating. Then after the marriage, I saw their actual faces. By that time, it was way too late, dang!
PetPet: Dont worry, U hv one more chance. *no wonder muslims can hv 5 wives*
Wattan: It's like a lottery u see. I need to get it right this time!
PetPet: I'm sure Allah will bless u. But i dont understand, y was Muhammad allowed 12 wives? n u only get to hv 5?
Wattan: I guess he's the founder of Islam so he gets extra privileges. *omfg! y do i only get to hv 5 wives when Muhammad can hv 12? Unfair!*
PetPet: Ya, Muhammad and the malays nowadays do have many things in common.
Wattan: Anyway, i hv figured a masterplan on how to finally get a hot wife *sinister smile*
PetPet: How? U gonna rape her first?
Wattan: Nonsense! How dare u! *brilliant idea I must admit*
PetPet: Sorry but that was my first impression of u. Well whats your plan?
Wattan: I'm gonna choose a teenage girl age between 6 n 14. They havent fully cover up their faces yet so i get to pick the best one!
PetPet: Omg, wouldnt that make u a pedophile?
Wattan: Nonsense! I'm only following the examples of Mohammad, our great leader! alhamdulilah bisbilairamanirahim!
PetPet: Great, now u can be a happy man again!
wattan: Not yet, i'm still not satisfied. No big deal having 5 wives. I want another 72 virgins!
PetPet: Huh? How is that possible?
Wattan: Yea... I'm gonna hijack a plane n crash it against WTC. Then i can go to paradise with 72 virgins! yee-ha...
PetPet: Wow...r u for real?
Wattan: Yea... Allah is giving virgins away like free food samples in supermarkets if u r willing to perform jihad.
PetPet: Won't he run out of virgins to give? Do the women get 72 hunks in paradise too?
Wattan: Nonsense, woman can only hv one man. Btw, wat religion r u? u dont look like muslim to me...
PetPet: err...err...
Wattan: omfg, u're a jew?
PetPet: No No NO!
Wattan: alright u christian, i'm gonna...
PetPet: i'm no christian!
Wattan: silence! watever u r...i'll hv to kill u if u dont convert!
PetPet: okok...i'll convert, just dont...
Wattan: too late! ALLAMUAKBAR! ALLMUAKBAR! HUYA! HOHOHO! I'M CRAZY! ALLAMUAKBAR! *stabs PetPet n beheades him*
****Fact 4****************************************************
The Muslims do not want us to say anything bad about Mohammed, but they are in total denial of his evil qualities. What person would voluntarily follow a man who told them they could have only five wives, when he had about fifteen himself.
He also talked a relative into giving him his beautiful wife by telling him it was the will of God. Who would follow such a man? I think it was extortion. Mohammed would probably have killed the relative if he had not agreed, and the man knew it. Mohammed also married a child bride.
He did all that and there is evidence he did. The Muslims who know their history do not deny it. Try reading the Koran. If you are a woman, you will go "Why would I ever want to go to a Muslim heaven? It would be hell for me." No woman in her right mind would join such a religion on her own.
**************************************************************
For Muslims, Violence and Threats of Violence Are Always the First Resort to Any Perceived Insult or Injury
Recall the Muslim response to Danish cartoons of their beloved prophet. The Danish embassy in Beirut was burned to the ground. There were death threats against the cartoonists and the editors of papers that published the cartoons. (In London, protestors held signs proclaiming “Those who insult Islam should die” and “Europe is a disease. Islam is the cure.”)
In rioting in Nigeria, Libya, Pakistan and Afghanistan, 139 died. Protestors were particularly offended by the implication of the cartoons – that Muhammed and his religion encourage murder and mayhem. The irony of “You say Islam promotes violence? For that you should die!” was lost on demonstrators.
Sources:
Consensual crime
Freedomhouse
Passengers refused to fly
Train bomb suspect
Islam and Judaism
Save Kosovo
Muslim hackers attack Vatican
Southern Baptists Spew Hate
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